Things seem too be getting easier. James has his first top tooth through this evening. He also has a terrible cold and chest infection. John took him to the doctors yesterday and he is now on antibiotics and lots of cuddles. John has booked us an appointment to go and see the house on the 11th Feb. We get to choose the décor for the house. James also has starting to feed himself with a spoon. It is very messy.
Trying to arrange a small birthday party for him. We are having it on his birthday (Monday) and have invited the Grandparent and Marley over for cake. Not having a big do as he won't remember it.
John was emptying the washing this morning. James took his sock off and put it into the empty machine. I guess it was dirty. He has a bit of a washing machine obsession, he can reach the dials and turn them. 11:00 tonight he had to have a bath. He was sick all over himself and his bed and had fallen asleep in it. Think it was the cheese omelette.
Everything is rather tough at the moment. I'm Ok most of the time, but sometimes I think about the new house or not having a new baby to hold and I get upset again. We were looking forward to this year, so many exciting things were going to happen. The weekend before we had at last found a house and on the Sunday put a reserve down. We had planned how to arrange the room for the new baby and the furniture we would have to get for James big boys room. Now we have an empty spare bed.
I thought I was doing so well with this pregnancy. With James the whole thing was rather scary as I didn't know what to expect. Throughout this one I have been relaxed and calm and was enjoying the experience. I was so looking forward to having a new addition to our family.
I had just started to tell people outside of the family about me being pregnant. I'm worried that someone who hasn't heard the news will ask me questions or congratulate me and I will have to explain that there is no baby. I don't feel I can do that without getting upset. Because of this I don't want to leave the house in case I see someone. We are meant to go and chose units for our new kitchen but at the moment I don't think I can. It should be an exciting time organising the new house, but the lady who is dealing with it all knows I'm pregnant and I can't face seeing her.
I'm not looking forward to seeing the empty spare room.
I think/hope that once the final scan is over on Wednesday we can draw a line under things. Not forget, just move on.
I only have one congratulations card to remember the baby by. I know it sounds silly calling it a baby when it is only a few weeks old. But I know it was a baby. I was mine and Johns and he would have been beautiful and blonde just like James.
Unfortunately this baby wasn't to be. Experienced a small amount of bleeding on Friday, it slowly increased over the weekend. On Tuesday decided to get it checked out and go to A&E. Col babysat while John and I went it. They checked my blood then sent me home with a scan appointment for the following day.
Wednesday had the scan and was told that there was no baby. Apparently it happened very early on in the pregnancy and there was not a think I could have done differently. Naturally, we all were very upset and shocked. We were given a few options, I decided to let my body sort it out rather than pills and operations. Have a scan booked in for the 8th Feb to make sure everything has gone back to normal.
Mum was babysitting James. John rang dad and told him. Dad went to see Grandma and told her. Mum stayed until James had his dinner. We decided to go and see Col because Peter had gone to India and she would be on her own. Dad met us at Cols and after a few tears we went to the pub for a bit to eat. It was OK. Took our mind off things and James was entertained by Marley. Got back at 7:30. I rang Katie and told her. John rang his mum.
Had bad cramps today all morning, but by dinner time things seems to have calmed down. I pleased it hasn't taken very long. Hopefully the worse is over. Still teary but James is keeping us busy and John is doing a very good job of looking after me, but I think he needs looking after too. x
I am so lucky to have such a lovely family. James is mostly a happy, smiley baby. John is looking after both of us at the moment as I'm not feeling my best. Though I have been feeling better today. Been to see Holly today. Had a really good natter.
Feeling very content at the moment. 2012 has started well. Lots of exciting things to look forward to. Can't wait.
Was thinking about stuff earlier today. I must write things down before I forget them. Here I go there are random and not in order.
Despite a horrid start I loved feeding James during the night and early morning. It was just me, him and sometimes House. After feeding he would stretch his arms up and arch his back and curl himself round. We used to open the curtains and watch it get light and listen to the birds singing. Was very sad to give it all up but I needed to go back to work.
James, a few months again, say brum brum. Normally it is a happy noise, though if he is upset he says it in a very sad voice and it makes me smile.
Dreamt last night, that while I was asleep John had sanded down all the cupboards in the kitchen, then painted suns on them. He didn't like the sun design so waxed them all. I than had a go at him because we were moving and if he want to sand anything he should do the doors. Keep having weird dreams.
James can click his fingers.
This week he said Dad. He has said it only twice. Thing he has forgotten about it now. He is zooming round crawling now and pulling himself around the furniture. We are still waiting for top teeth. I think there are 4 coming through.
Had the first lot of blood tests on Wednesday. I hate having them done, it isn't the pain of the needle it is the thought of the blood being drawn out. Makes me go all hot and bothered. The scan is all booked in on 7th Feb. Hopefully mum will look after James the night before, I don't fancy him being there and he is also getting to the stage where as soon as the buggy stops moving he wants to get out.
James have 4 top teeth nearly poking through, this might explain why he has gone off his food and is all grumpy and clingy. When to baby peep today, he likes it there and has a good explore and look at the other babies. I just have to be careful that he doesn't go for their eyes.
Feel very tired and sick. Also I've had headache for the last 4 days. Can't seem to get rid of it. I had forgot how much I don't like being pregnant and how tired it makes me. I'm also being very fussy about what I eat. Have gone off sweet things.
Happy New Year everyone. Hope you have a a lovely Christmas and New Year. We certainly have. New year we went to Col's she did a buffet and then went to the pub and sang Karaoke. Love it. Hopefully this year will be as good as last year. x