Yesterday I had my second scan at the hospital. As we thought I was going through a miscarriage. This wasn't really a surprise as the bleeding had got worse over the week and the last 2 day I was bend over double with cramps.
I had already decided a D&C was the right course of treatment. Last time I had a natural miscarriage, there was little pain, but it did take over a month to fully miscarry. Meaning that I didn't dare go back to work incase I bled. This time it didn't seem an option, I needed to get back on track and looking after the rest of my family. I was fortunate to get the operation the same day.
I have never had an operation before and I think I have got myself worked up about it over the week. I'm also not the best patient. I don't like needles, but then who does. The worst bit was the drip being put in place, they had to have 2 attemps at it, but I was very brave and gritted my teeth. The operation was explained in great detail by a lovely midwife who dealt with miscarriages. She stayed with us throughout the day and looked after us brilliantly and didn't mind when I ended up a sobbing snotty mess.
I was really worried about what/where the baby went after the surgery. My fear was that it would be just chucked away in a bin. I know that it was only a size of a pea but it was still a baby to me and already a part of our family. The midwife reassured both me and John that it would be checked to see if it was all there, then given the the local crematorium where they hold a mass cremation and prayers are said and the ashes scattered in the remembrance garden. This was such a relief I couldn't stop crying.
The operation took about 15mins. It was preformed blind which meant the surge(another lovely lady) did it by feel. Basically, she scraped the wall of the cervix to loosen the baby and placenta which is then removed. I was anesthetised at 4.15 and came round just over an hour later. There wasn't any pain and I wasn't that drowsy. I did go all shaking and cold, which is normal so they gave me more oxygen and blankets. An hour after that I was put on a drip and taked back to the ward.
I don't know whether it was relief or the anesthetics but I felt really well considering. There was little bleeding which is expected to last up to 2 weeks. I had to wait 4 hours post op and they made sure could keep a drink then food down. Dad picked us up at 11pm, as I couldn't drive afterwards. I had the best nights sleep I had all week.
I don't think I would have managed yesterday or the whole week if John had not been by my side. He has been such I rock. Sorting out the kids, letting me sleep and cry and just being there when I needed him.
Today we had a good talk about how we felt. I think I have been rather selfish and self centred. Thinking about it was just me going through this feeling the loss. We didn't even talk about this the first time I miscarried, I just went in my own bubble. I know it may sound mean but it helps knowing that he feels the loss too.
Today I woke up feeling refreshed. However, after walking around a bit I felt tender and achey. I keep getting waves of cramps not painful but uncomfortable. I'm going to take it easy over the next few days and keep the painkillers close by.