Welcome the world

We are delighted to announce the birth of our third (and last) child. A beautiful daughter named Isobel (Izzie) May. Born on the 18th Oct 2015 at 1.30am, weighting a whopping 9.14lb. James, Penny and ourselves are absolutely besotted by her and she is happy, healthy and calm.

Despite being late as she was due on the 13th. when labour started she seemed to be in a great hurry. This is the story of her arrival.
After a month of being on edge because the midwife told us that she was ready and could be due at any time. I decided on the 17th that as a family we needed to get out of the house. The kids were grumpy and I was fed up of being fat. So we venture to the local soft play area to let off some stream. All day I was feeling odd and was having twinges, but this was nothing new as I had been having twinges for the last 6 weeks. However, these felt slightly different. I didn't tell John as he had been putting up with my false alarms for weeks. That evening I decided I would watch Bridget Jones diary. Typically (same happened with Penny) the night I didn't have an early night and sleep things started to happeen. The film finished at midnight, I went to the loo before bed and ping my waters broke. Told John and I rang the hospital, who told me I have better come in to be checked over.

12.10am Rang Dad to ask him to come and pick me up and drive us to the hospital. Told him not to rush as there was no hurry.

12.15am Rang Mum to come and babysit and told her not to rush and there was no hurry.

12.20am I text Katie as she moans she wasn't in the loop to tell her I was in labour.

12.21am Pain starts and I can't move from the bathroom.

12.22am In agony, can't move and contractions are really close together. Still on the toilet.

Things start to get hazy from here on. At some point John calls an ambulance. The person on the end tell him to move me from the toilet get on my back on the floor. Very slowly and by crawling a manage to get to our living room and on the rug.

1ish Dad arrives followed closely by mum. Dad hides in the kitchen. Mums holds my hand as John is still on the phone and having to keep checking if he can see the baby coming.

1.15am. Ambulance people arrive. Yay. There is no drugs (boo) only gas and air.

Anyway, she was born at 1.30 am on the 18th Oct. We had to go to the hospital o be checked over but was back home by 3pm that afternoon. Where we were promptly decended on by masses of family. I went to bed and left them too it.

Proud Parents.

On Friday we had a parents evening for James to see how he was settling in. Both me and John left the school with huge smiles on our faces. We could not be prouder of James how he is flourishing at school. To begin with he was a bit clingy when we would leave him, but within minutes he would be fine and happily playing. For the last week we have been leaving him in the playground so he has to go into the classroom himself. With a little help with a sticker chart at home this has been fuss free and yesterday John barely got a kiss before he was running off.
His teacher is also very pleased. She says she can tell we do a lot with him as his conversation and explanations are excellent. He is always interested in learning and will stop what he is playing to go and do group work. He participates in group work and has started to put his hand up and join in class discussions.
Last week he took in some shells we had picked up at the seaside and he was able to stand at the front of the class and show and describe them. The teacher even changes her afternoon planning so the whole class looked, draw and played with the shells as the children were all interested in them.
He has even volunteered to say a line at the harvest festival, which we were really surprised at as he can be a little timid to begin with until he has found his bearings. Overall we are so chuffed at how he is getting on.
Penny is also making progress at nursery, she is still a little upset at being left. However, when we pick her up she is all smiles and has had a good morning singing, playing in the sand or on the bikes.

Good to go.

Had my 36 weeks midwife appointment on Friday. Not sure if is good new or bad, but according to her baby had dropped. She also stated that as it is my 3rd when they drop labour isn't far away. Hoping that she hangs on a bit until 37 weeks. We are still no ready the house is a state and the nursery needs a good sort out. Baby also doesn't have a name or clothes yet.
Since being told this news every little twinge is being analysed, is this labour?

Counting down the days.

So, I'm now 35 weeks and 3 days or 32 days to go until we get to meet the newest member of our family. Not sure if I've mentioned it but we are having a little girl. It is the first time we have chosen to find out the sex. James is pleased. He commented that because it is a girl he can play with her if it was a boy Penny would have to play with it.
The pregnancy is going well and did seem really fast until now. With 5 weeks to go I'm fat, aching in all places and lazy. Still is isn't as bad as I was with Penny so I am grateful for small things.

Penny's first day at nursery.

Another first in our family this morning. Penny had her first day at nursery. As we both wanted to see her off we dropped James off at school. He went in a lot better this morning, still clingy but giggling with it rather than lots of tears. As normal there was a bottleneck of parents trying to sort their children out, tackling bags, book bags, indoor shoes and coats, myself included. As a result we were 15mins late to nursery,  whoops, nog the ideal start. Anyway, after a quick kiss and cuddle she toddled in with out looking back.
With a child free morning I decided to treat myself to a book and a cream tea in the village. Knickers to the housework.
On pick Pen up, she had had a few teary moments when she had realised that we weren't there. But she said she enjoyed it and played with trains. I think she will be ok when she gets use to it.

First day.

James has now had 2 days at big school. Each morning he has been fine getting ready and doing his new routine.  He is happy until it comes to leaving him. At the moment parents can go in the classroom and help them put their coats and bags away and put their indoor shoes on. Quick kiss goodbye and the tears start. The TAs have to peels him away from us so we can leave. Hopefully, we can start leaving him at the door soon and this might subside. He is absolutely fine minutes later. Penny starts nursery on Monday but I think she will be fine. 

Starting Big School

It is 9.30 in the evening, I'm on my own and sobbing. The reason? My beautiful little boy is starting big school on Thursday. Even though he can drive me to distraction I'm going to miss to insane, random conversations, the constant running commentary which I can barely keep up with, his liveliness and eagerness and energy.
I worry he will find it all too much, the days too long and tiring. That his imagination will be squashed with in confines of school work and getting it right.
I know that I will not be the only one who will miss him. His little mini me follower will feel the same way. I only hope his teacher will grow to love him and his quarks as much as me.

Relief

Last Tuesday was my 12 week scan day. Dad babysat the children while John and I went to our appointment. The relief when I saw a moving little baby on scan was astonishing,  I didn't realised how wind up and worried I was.
Today we told James about the baby. John asked him to guess what was in Mummies tummy. "A baby" he whispered, then bit smiles. Then asked for 2 babies. He said hello to it and confirmed he could hear a very tiny heartbeat. We shown him the scan photos and he chose one to keep. We also talked about what a baby might need and he said he would save his clothes that are too small. At first he wanted a brother, then sister, then back to having 2 babies. At least he is happy about it.

Party and poorly sick.

So this is has been a month of ups and down.
Up-My beautiful little boy has turned 4. Not so little now, but he still loves cuddles and kisses from everyone. He had a small party at home and was truly spoilt with all the gifts he received.  A huge combine, scalextrics, lots of Lego, tractors and jcbs.
Down- I've been really sick with this pregnancy. Even the thought of food is enough to make me run to the bathroom. At 11 weeks it is just starting to ease off.

Drum Roll Please.........

It's a big fat positive. Baby number 3 is on its way and I can't stop smiling. Gone are the previous doubts about money, where to put it and how we will manage. I've gone into doing everything by the book mode. Out goes the coffee, steaming hot baths and sherry. Bring on the gorgeously small baby clothes and let the cooing commence.

I'm I, aren't I?

This morning I took another test which has the tinest of lines so I'm still not sure if I'm pregnant or not. I also think I've got over the shock now, my mind has turned from getting fat to pretty prams and having cleavage again. I think if it turn out negative I would be very dissppointed.

Not sure if to laugh, cry or hide under the bed.

Today, for no reason accept that I felt different, I took a pregnancy test and to my shock/suprise there was the faintest trace of a pink line. Looks like baby number 3 is on there way.
After last years miscarriage I decided that my two gorgeous children were enough. I didn't want to get into the cycle trying, then the months of worrying. However, last month very gradually, broody baby ideas returned. Low and behold within 2 weeks I'm pregnant.
Not sure what to think at the moment selfish me doesn't want to put weight on again after nearly lossing 4 stone, nor are the pregnancy aches and pains or birth appealing. I have also given everything baby related away so will have to start again buying stuff.
I have always wanted three children, three seems complete to me. The idea of having a small baby to cuddle makes me smile.

PS. Not sure how I will manage without my coffee machine.

Where are the Penguins

This is a conversation that James and I had in the car yesterday.

Me: Look it's snowing.
James: Yes, lots of snow (after a moment) Mummy where are the Penguins?
Me: We don't have penguins in this country.
James: But its snowing, Penguins like the snow.
Me: Yes they do but they live far away in different countries.
James: Where are the kangaroos?
Me: Kangaroos like it hot and live in Australia.
James: Can we go?
Me: No sweetie, it is along away on an aeroplane. You can see kangaroo and penguins in a zoo.
James: Do you have to in a plane to go to the zoo?
Me: No we go in the car, there are lots of different animals.
James: Can we go on a plane to the zoo?

Another stone gone.

I've now lost 3 stone in total and even though I look a lot better, bizarrely I'm more uncomfortable and less confident in choosing clothes and wearing them.
I'm still off cake and sugar but I do have a little taste of the cakes I've been making.

John's big 40

On the 10th August John celebrated his 40th birthday. We had a BBQ at home with the family. Despite the dodgy looking rain clouds it kept fine and we had a lovely time.
This was just one of his birthday cakes. He was very lucky and got 2. I made this one and his mum made a lovely chocolate cake with a rubix cube, Dennis the menace and Kermitt the frog on it.
For his prezzie we went to Swindon computer museum,  Wookey Hole and Borwood House to see Tractor Ted.

Baking Crazy.

I don't know whether I'm suffering Bake Off blues or the lack of cake is sending me into a mad baking woman. But I'm in a baking frenzy at the moment. I've cooked jam tarts, tea bread, Victoria sponge, tarte titan, cookies fairy cakes, crispy cakes and cupcakes. I found Nigella's How to be a Domestic Goddess in a charity shop for the bargain price of £2. I'm looking forward to trying some the recipes.

lovely Autumn family day.

I've had the most lovely day. We headed to Belton House, as they had a Halloween trail and it would be the last time we go before they close the outdoor play area.
The sun was shining, the trail was lovely and James enjoyed finding the body parts. We stayed in the play area for ages, Penny was exciting toddling around finding leaves and sticks and going on the slide and enjoying the swings. We threw, collected and kicked leaves around and rode on the little train and saw deers.
We ended the day by having a MacDonalds and the kids had a early night completely exhausted.
Fabulous.

Catching up.

As always my blogging post are sporadic. This is a very brief catch up of our summer.

Great Yarmouth with Grandad.
In September we all had a weekend in Yarmonth with Grandad. We dug on the beach, went to Petits and dug there. Penny enjoyed the slides round, round, round she went, not even stopping to sit down she just walked off the end.

National Trust.
We have tried to go to Belton as often as possible to get our moneys worth from the National Trust card. Both children enjoy the play area, which is also big enough for us to use as well. Looking forward to the new one they are building for next year.

Days out.
We have been lucky enough to go to Norfolk show, Sandringham show, Heckington show and Spilsby. We have visited windmills, the beach, watermills, parks and castles.

A fab Summer, but feeling a little sad knowing that this time next year James will be at school and our random days out are going to be limited.

Silent Sunday

Cake Lace

Just recently I've been playing with my new toy, Claire Bowmans cake lace. Unlike a lot of these things often there is a knack or you have to be super patient, which I'm not. This however, is quick, easy and is ready to go almost straight away.
You just mix the 2 ingredients like it states on the pack. Spread it on the silicone lace moulds and pop it in the oven to dry. 10mins later it is ready to peel from the mould and use. It looks and feels like lace and if stored right can stay flexible for 6 months. I'm going to try colouring it black next and go for a goltic looking cake.
Here is the result. My Grandma 91st birthday cake.

Step away from the cake.

With a little will and a lot of effort and a huge amount of encouragement from a horrid stomach bug, I've managed to lose a whopping 2 stone.
For years I've been a size 18 and too be honest wasn't really bothered about my size. When I made an effort I scrubbed up pretty well.
However, in March I had the dreaded flu which exhausted me and I just didn't want to eat. Then I had a miscarriage and everything went wobbly and fuzzy. So it was a while before I started having proper meals. Combined that and going back to work with a pack up instead of drinking coffee and picking all day and without me realising it I had lost quite a lot.
I still didn't realise I had lost weight until May, when I visited Katie, she took one look at me and said wow, then pointed out that I had lost most of it from my arse and my clothes didn't fit.
By the end of June I weighted myself (I don't own scales) and I had lost 1.5 stone. Since then I have made a conscience effort. I no longer have pudding and biscuits after my meal. My coffee machine make such delicious coffee that I don't need sugar. I worked out that I was having at least 7 coffees a day with 2 sugars in them. The biggest thing is I've stopped picking in between meals. Apart from that I haven't changed my diet. The hardest thing was giving up cake. I've now nearly lost a total of 2 stone, I would like to get down to 12 stone, that means I have 8lbs to go.

Teeth, puddles and cats.

Teeth.
Hurray, Penny at last has her first tooth coming through and we all know about it. She is unsettled at night and off her food. Hopefully that tiny bottom tooth will soon be out and everything more settled.

Puddles.
James' lastest "job to do" seems to be digging a large hole, dumping the mud on the patio then filling the large hole with water. He then gets all his outdoor diggers in and splashes about. The result is one very muddy garden, and a very mud but very happy little boy.

Cats.
Saturday night both James and Penny stopped at Grandma's while we went to a BBQ. Penny now has a new word to her vocab, cat. Though it sounds more like at.

Happy 4th July

Happy independants day to all the people across the pond. I'm not American, but I like any excuse for a themed party, so tonight we are having an 4th July BBQ. I have made a yummy cake and going to hunt out some Missippi mud pie for pud. Along with red, white and blue attire, we are going to have some cosmos and Manhattens.

Aldi Baby and Toddler Event. Big Bargins Tomorrow.

As a big Aldi fan, I felt I had a write a post about their Baby and Toddler event which starts tomorrow. As with most of Aldi events, it is a case of, when it's gone it's gone, so to grab a bargain get in early.
Thanks to Hotdeals.com this is a list of some of the goodies on offer.

Hauck Go S Lightweight Buggy - £18.99
Lindam Sure Start Porte Safety Gate - £14.99
Munchkin Travel Booster Seat - £14.99
Nappies Jumbo Box Size 3 (98 pack) - £6.99 Loads of other sizes and quantities available
Swim Pants - £2.49
Baby Wipes Multipack 4 x 64 - £2.19
Nappy Sacks 150 - 89p
Nuby Baby Bath Toys - £2.89
Hooded Baby Towel - £3.49
Aqueous Cream - £1.99
Calpol - £1.89
Sudocrem 125ml - £2.35
Nurofen for Children Fever - £2.69
Cot Bed Quilt Cover Set - £7.99
Cellular Blanket - £2.99
Luxury Baby 3D Blanket - £4.99
Mega Muslin Cloths (3) - £8.99
Baby Socks 5's - £2.49
Baby Shoes - £2.99
UV Infant Playshade - £17.99
Avent New-Born Starter Kit - £9.99
Avent Microwave Steriliser - £9.99
Nuby Grip n' Sip Cup - £1.79
Tommee Tippee First Cup - 99p
Tommee Tippee Soothers 2 - £1.29
Nuby Flip-it Cup/Pop Up Cup - £1.99
Nuby Baby Teether - £1.99
Tommee Tippee Feeding Spoons 6 - 99p
Tommee Tippee Baby Food Bowls 3 - £1.49
Ella's Kitchen The Yellow One/Red One 5 - £2.49
Griptight Flexi Folding Bib - £1.89

Happy shopping.
PS. I think the nappies are fab. 

Operation Grateful James begins.

After yesterdays embarassment, Operation Grateful James has begun. Our aim is to make James be thankful for what he has, for what he is given and the family he has around him.
So, yesterday we talked about all the people who loved him and listed them, there were loads. We kept emphasising how luckly he is to have such a loving family. Later that day we were chatting about his favourite toys and why he liked them. I explained how luckly he was and that I know a little boy (no personally but I thought he might relate to it better) who doesn't have many toys to play with. No cars, tractors, teddy or books to read. Talked abour how nice it would be to give that little boy one of his toys so he could play. We decided that everyone should give a toy to the little boy. James helped Penny chose a car of hers, I chose a book from me and James gave him a cement mixer (though after much consideration he swapped for a less important one). I was pleased to find at bedtime he also wanted to give one of him books to him as well so his Mummy could read him a story. Just goes to show something must have sunk in.
I now have to find somewhere to take the toys, not the charity shop, but somewhere they will be used. We have also decided to do the same thing at Christmas and give to those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

Ungrateful and spoilt or normal 3 year old behaviour?

Today is the first day I have ever felt disappointed and embarrassed by James. Have I accidently created a spoilt, ungrateful monster or is it just tired 3 year old behaviour?

Just recently James has started playing up when he has seen a toy and is not allowed to have it. Up until now he was quite happy to look. This is our own fault as we have been on a few holidays this month and James was allow to spent his own money on toys. I think he has got into a habbit of getting what he wants.
The whole family have been told not to buy him toys because we don't what him to start expecting things everytime we go out. However they are not following though. When we went shopping with mum, despite knowing not to get him anything, she got him a tractor. We took James cousin for a day out and Aunt Col gave them both money for a toy. I feel it puts John and I in an awkward situation.

Today, we spent a day with Aunt Katie, she very kindly got him a tractor lunch box. He promptly told her he didn't want it and wanted a toy. Needless to say, John and I were mortified. This is not now he has been brought up. He than had a hissy fit sobbing he wanted a toy. Katie, very sensible, told him she would take it back but he isn't getting a toy. More sobbing. I took him off to try and explain that Katie had done a nice thing spending her money and getting him a lunch box and that he had made Katie, Mummy and Daddy sad because he hadn't said thank you and that he should now say sorry for making he sad. None of this was getting though as he was far too upset. Just as she was leaving his brain realised thst he wasn't going to get anything and he started wailing that he now wanted the box. We gave him a chance to say sorry and ask if he could have it, but again was screaming. So gave up and he came home with nothing and Aunt Katie is going to take her sandwiches to work in a tractor lunch box. At the moment I'm feeling rather let down by his behaviour and left wondering what to do. I'm not sure whether to try and talk to him about it later when he gets up from his nap and is a lot calmer. Explaining that he has loads of toys already and how luckly he is because some children don't have any. I would like him to prehaps think about giving some of his toys to children who haven't got any but maybe he is a bit too youbg for that. Hopefully this phase will pass quickly.

34 is not middle aged.

Last Sunday it was my 34th birthday and despite not planning anything or being too bothered, the weekend was full up and it was all about my birthday.
Friday, I had a much needed day off work, and it was my intention to get the house sorted out from the residue left over from holiday. However, Col, Marley and Mum visited bring gifts. The boys enjoyed playing together anf got up to mischief by planning in the upstairs bathroom. James made and cup of pineapple juice and Marley made tea and together they managed to flood the bathroom sink. It ran through the carpet and appear like a shower in the downstairs hall. Whoops wasn't quite the word I used. James scared himself silly because the firealarm started blaring our, he hide under his covers in bed. Col managed to coax him out, dry him off, then he promtly fall asleep.  I think he was in shock.
Saturday, we met Mum in Lincoln for some much needed clothes shopping. Got a gorgous skirt from M&S. Later John arranged for his mum he had the kids and we went for a lovely meal, alone, together.
Sunday we went to Brocklesby Show. Vic won free tickets and very kindly gave them to us. We don't like to turn down a freebie. It was a glorious day.
With reference to the title of this post. John insists that 34 is the start of being middle aged and is winding me up. Though not too much as he's 40 this year.

Naughty Lazy Blogger

I've been an appalling blogger recently, we have just been so busy. Lots of lovely days out, 2 fab holidays, my birthday and enjoying the glorious weather. Where to start to catch up. Hummmmm

Holiday number 1.
Me and the kids were invited to join dad in his caravan for a few days during half term. The other half was busy getting caught up with work so was able to come.
We headed to Cromer, which is a place and adore as we went there every holiday as a child.
The first was fantastic sunny day, so after setting up the caravan we headed to Cromer. James enjoyed digging in the stones (no sand there) he was very brave and dipped about half a toe jn the water. We were there a while until there was hardly any beach left. One of the things I've alway, always wanted to do was eat Cromer crab. It was delicious, defiantly going to eat it again.
The next day, unfortunately the heavens opened. Dad wanted to visit the new Davenport Magic place. This was a lot better than I expected. The show at the end was amazing and leaves you wondering how it was done. That evening we visted the circus. The kids loved it, James liked the man being fired out a cannon. Penny was completely mesmerised by the whole thing. Dad got them both light up sticks to play with.
The follow day it was still lousy weather so headed to Wroxham. After MacDonalds and a visit to the toy shop, where James got a combined and Penny got a musical mic, we have a trip on the broads. It was really nice and relaxing, we got the paddle steamer boat. James enjoyed going up top and pretending to drive. After that we had to make a trip to Joyland in Yarmouth, followed by a dig in the sand.
Had a brill time. Thanks Dad.

Holiday tomorrow.

So tomorrow we head off to hopefuuly sunny Cromer in Norfolk for a few days. This time it is just me and the kids and my Dad. We are squeezing into his caravan. Should be good, will also bring back a few memories as it was where we used to go every year as kids.

First words

Penny has begun to talk, if she is anything like James we will have difficulty stopping her.
Her offical first word was ta. Which she would repeat after we gave her something. We also have Daddy. She hasn't mastered Mummy yet, so I can put my feet up while. We also have hiya and hello.
We often get repetition of sounds, we say bath she repeats the ba sound.
I'm slightly concerned that she doesnt have any teeth yet.

Steak and stuffed mushroom dinner for 2 and three quarters. £4.00

Todays dinner is one I have been looking forward to for ages. A few weeks ago our local Co-op fridges had a melt down, resulting in lots of lovely meat and fish reduced. Unfortunately, when I went there was hardly anything left but I did get my hands on 2 steaks for £1.51, 2 chicken escoples 97p and masses of salmon for £3.12. This was all seperated up and bunged into our frezzer.
Yesterday while shopping in Asda in the bargin bin was stuffed mushrooms 42p and roasted veg 41p.
So for dinner today John and I had steak with stuffed mushrooms, roasted veg, tinned peas, and left over veg of baby sweetcorn, mushrooms and mangetout. The kids had the same but a fish finger instead of steak, though James ate a load of my steak. He is getting rather expensive taste.

Steak £1.51
2 packs of stuffed mushrooms 84p
Roast veg 41p
Tinned peas 35p
2 fish fingers 20p
Left over veg 69p

Aldi super six 69p veg.

For us, Aldi's weekly super six 69p veg is a must every week. This week on Thursday Aldi has on offer large snack pack of grapes, plum tomatoes,  Jersey Royal potatoes, peppers, courgettes and green beans.
Many of our meals are based around what they have on offer week to week. This week we might have stuffed courgettes or peppers. Chips or jackets depending on the size of the tates, stir fry and a yummy new potato and green bean salad.

The veg, I find does not last as long as other supermarket veg, but we get through so much that it rarely goes offer.
https://www.aldi.co.uk/en/product-range/fresh-bakery/this-weeks-latest-super-6-offers/

Go Go Go Garden

Our garden is not the biggest. The back is mostly lawn and patio, with a 2 foot raised flower bed running along 2 sides of the lawn. Last year I let it just grow curious to see what would come up. This year I've have a bit of a bliz. Up came the old straggly lavender and random shrub which seemed to house a huge ant nest. Into the back bed went some lovely perennials, delphinium, lupin, and lillies. The part running down the side we have left to mud. Why? Because I have a dirt loving son who likes nothing but dig, fill buckets with mud and water and generally make a mess. His current love us making cement using said mud and water, sticking in his trailer, driving over the patio where he has 6 bricks, then proceeds to use his cement to build a wall. Despite my wanting a beautiful floral garden, I can not deprived him of his delight of making a complete mess.
This calls for a plan. This year I'm trying to grow veg in pots. I love the idea of eating things we have grown ourselves. Last years herbs were great and well used, so this I'm extending out production.
The initial outlay is quite expensive, though thanks to mum we do have a few plants to start with. We have courgettes, pumpkin, tomatos, lettuce, radishes,  beetroot,  green beans, runner beans and peas. Hopefully we will have a bumper crop. The picture isn't while it is at its neatest.

Tesco Clubcard Boost Sale

A few days ago Tesco emailed to announce that they are having a Tesco Clubcard Sale. This means for every £2 worth of point you have, you receive £10 voucher to use at a number of places around the UK.
This is fantastic for us, it means two great days out while we are holiday. Making our pennies go even further. There are a few things to watch out for.
Unlike the normal Tesco Boost, where you receive a person entrance fee, these are vouchers discounting £10 off your entrance fee. For example, we are heading to Wookey Hole in August,  price per person is £18. I have order £4 worth of points, equalling £20 in vouchers. As far as know there is no change given back. There is also a limited number of places doing this offer, Legoland is not on it.
This morning in the post I received £60 worth of vouchers for our trip to Wookey Hole. The vouchers do not have the name of the attraction on them so you can use them any place which is in the sale offer. As normal you have to use them within 6 months.
Definitely worth a look to see if there are any attractions near you.
http://www.tesco.com/clubcard/deals/days-out/

Playhouse dud.

So our great Ebay playhouse is bit of a dud. The windows are broken, it has cost a fortune in paint (mainly because I chose blue) and now the roof has fallen apart, the felt is coming away and it is damp.
We had decided to sod it and stick a whole new roof on. It will cost us a bomb but with the effort we are putting into it, it may as well be made to last.

Healthy dinner for £3.01.

On my strive to cut down our spending, but not our healthy eating, todays dinner costs just £3.08 for us all. Crispy veggie fajtas (with left over ham), cous cous (Aldi's own just add water stuff) and potato salad.

Salad potatoes third of a pack 20p
1 pepper 33p
Half a pack of fajtas 40p
Handful of cheese 40p
Left over ham £1.00
1 courgette 33p
Half pac of cous cous 20p
Spoonful of tinned sweetcorn 15p

Other stuff
Mayo
Seasoning
Chives (homegrown)
Lasy garlic

To make crispy fajtas.
Fry in little bit of oil
Pepper, sweetcorn and courgette (diced).
Take out of the pan. Put in fajta in frying let crispen. Add pepper mix, cheese and ham. Fold fajta in half and continue to cook. Take out and cut in half.

Potato salad.
Boil potatoes
Drain, add spoonful of mayo, salt, garlic and chives. Mix together.

Kew Gardens

Photos of our visit to Kew Gardens last week.

James' office.

Cork tree. 

Lilly house

 Kew glasshouse

Busy Sewing.

Jam has chosen some lovely purple ginham fabric for the curtains in his playhouse. I'm busy sewing away ready to put up when the new windows arrive. However,  I'm no seamstress and it takes me three time as long to do anything on the machine, especially as little wondering hands have been busy changing the dials on my machine. Anyway, yesterday a managed one full 9 pair of curtains and two tie backs. Quite pleased with myself.

Free Money with TopCashBack

There are a few cash back sites buzzing round the internet at the moment. Topcashback is one of them. The idea is that you order any item from the internet through them and they get you a percentage of your spend back. Currently Asda Direct are offering 6.3% back. As I do quite a lot of my shopping online this is a great way of getting back a few pennies.
There isn't a lot of faffing about with it, it is very easy to use. You just have to get into the habit of going to Topcashback site before you buy anything. You just head to the site and sign in. Find the shop you need in the search bar. Click the "get cash back" button for that shop. The site then opens a new window which links through to the normal website page for that shop and shop as normal. It records that fact you clicked through using Topcashback and any spending you do. The money does take over a month to clear so you have to be patient.
With over 4000 shops now linked to the site including Next, Homebase, Travelodge, Argos as well as most insurance agencies, it is definitely worth trying. The insurance companies, mobile phone contractsand breakdown services will offen have large cash back offers to entice you to go with them. I got £30 cash back on my car insurance and £18 on my house. Sometimes the amounts I get are under £1 but it all adds up. You can also choose how you would like the money sent to you, paypal or in you bank account. Or you get a little bit extra if you choose Amazon, Tesco, Boots gift vouchers.
As well as the cash back service, the site will offen give you discount codes and offers which are currently available for the shop you choose.  However, I find these are offen not updated or there are better codes out there.
If you find you use the site a lot it might be worth upgrading your membership. This costs £5 a year and entitles you to a higher percentage of cash back.
Topcashback

Having a Wobble

I'm not sure what is worry with me today. Maybe I'm tired out from the weekend. I feel really down and tearful. Feel as if I have been a rubbish mum today and rather self absorbant.  When I feel like this my brain automatically focuses on my miscarriage or maybe it is the other way round.
I should be 16weeks by now, family would have been told and I would be begining to have a little bump. I never enjoyed being pregnant with the other two, but I can't help thinking about what stage I should be at.

Kew Gardens

Last weekend Mum, the kids and I visited Katie in London for the weekend. We decided to visited Kew gardens, I've alway fancied going and James would enjoy the space to run round. We were really lucky with the weather and managed to dodge most of the showers.
I didn't realise that Kew Gardens had a palace which was a home of George 3rd his wife and 15 children. I would have been nice to look at the palace for longer but James was longing to go outside he isn't keen on stuff houses.
Kew was lovely. Unfortunately,  we didn't have time to see it all. Mum and Katie viewed the Japanese garden which I would have liked to look at, but by this time James was flagging and wouldn't have made the walk back. I woukd have also like to gave gone on the tree top walk and viewed the kitchen gardens.
We did manage to go round the palm tree glass house which was very impressive. You are able to walk around the top of it and look down. At the bottom was a display of water habitats. There was a bit of an outdoor play area but James bumped his head and it put him off. The indoor creeper area was nice for the kids. Penny was able to gave a good crawl round, she enjoyed the fake sandpit and spinning things. James found a round shed with steps up which he made into an office.
Now sure I would go back as there are many large parks in London which are free to go round. Kew cost £15 per person so not cheap. We did manage to find a 2 for 1 in the Gardens World magazine which helped. Tbe food there was also very pricey so if we do go back I think we need to take a picnic.
On Sunday we visited Katies allotment and gave her a hand sorting it out. She has a huge bit of land but it has been left and is full of rubbish. She has made a few beds and got onions, garlic and potatos growing. I quite enjoyed it and fancy getting one my self. After all the hard work we treated ourselves to a huge Sunday dinner. It was lovely. I was very impressed the waitress commented on how well behaved my two were. Then we headed back home. James and Penny slept most of the way so it was a easy drive back.

Belton and picnic in the rain.

We are really supassing ourselves in the effort to get the most out if our newly aquired National Trust membership. Despite the dodgy looking grey sky we decided to head out to Belton house for a picnic and a play in their new play and ride cafe and their outdoor play area. Halfway there and a few spots of rain appeared, by the time we arrived in was a complete downpour. James was rather reluctant to eat his picnic in the car so we headed out to the play cafe instead. As with most of these places you can not eat your own food on the premises. So I opted for a large pot of tea while James had a play. The indoor play area was a little too big for James and he struggled to get round some parts which meant one of us had to follow him round and over the painful cargo nets.
John wanted to head over to look at the secondhand books which were housed in the stables. The rain eased off slightly so we decided to deck James in his puddle suit and venture out. We didn't venture too far like we were planning to. We managed to find a huge tree with a bench round it which was dry enough to munch our picnic. James was happy as he thought we were in the woods.
Being as we were drenched anyway we wandered to the rather impressive outdoor play area. James looked this. There was a little bulldozer on a spring which he loved. We also discover that his puddled suit and a rather wet slide are not a good mix and he flew down the slide scaring himself and me who completely missed catching him. He has now gotover his fear of tunnel slides and was quite happy whizzing round them. We had the entire place to ourselves probably due to the rain. On the way back James happily stomped and splashed in every puddle he could find. We stripped him down at the car, warmed him up. When we gog home everyone changed into PJs and the kids went for a nap.

Watching the pennies.

One month in after our decision to write down each penny spent on our grocery shopping  and the amount is some what staggering. We decided in include nappies, formula and meals out.
In the last four weeks we have spend nearly £500, which is nearly double our estimate. As a result we are looking for ways to cut back. Not sure yet how, but things need to change. We rarely throw food away, so everything we do spend is consumed. Fresh fruit and veg have a big impact on our bill, however, I'm reluctant to reduce these as because of the childrens heath benefits. I think I now need to start to implement a meal planner and combined meat and veg meal with cheaper pasta and rice meals. I also think James might have to find an alternative to his prawn addiction.  Prehaps I can convince him scampi is the same thing.

National Trust Membership.

After much contemplation we (I) have joined the National Trust. We have joint membership, James and Penny being under 5 are free to enter the properties anyway. What finally swayed joining was currently they have an offer 3 months free and a free gift of binoculars (which will be tucked away for Christmas for James) for £73. Good offer, but living in deepest darkest Lincolnshire means properties are limited. However, we are quite close to Belton which has a fab play area and a new indoor area for children. They also have kids groups in the hoildays which we will make an effort to go to. As we are holidaying in Essex this year we are making a trip to Sutton Hoo and Lavenham both which have National Trust sites. Hopefully we will be able to get our moneys worth.
I have already used the card last weekend. A trip to Tattershall castle for a Princess and Knight day. Had a nice time, James made a shield and sword. The castle is more or less empty but you can, and we did, walk to the top of the castle. Once you have got your breathe back, the view is stunning.

James seem to have found a rebellious streak these last few days. I think he gets it from me. He is driving me mad with his no's. Not sure how to handle it yet. Going to see if it continues first, then maybe the naughty step or toys taken away or prehaps I should just yell back no when he wants me to do something.

Diggerland Yorkshire.

Wow, just WOW. I'm so impressed by this place. Where else could a 3 year old digger mad boy have control of real state of the art diggers. We had a brilliant day there yesterday. Everyone enjoyed it. James didn't stop running. As soon as he got off one digger he was racing to the next. Even stopping for a drink was hassle. Grandad couldn't get his head around the money and waste of good diggers but he too enjoyed it. James wanted to go with Grandad everytime which was nice.
It helped that the weather was warm. Despite being a bank holiday the place was nearly empty. There was no queues, which meant who ever looked after Penny didn't have long to wait before they got a go. James, who was just over 90cm was alllowed to go on almost anything, though offen with a adult to help him steer. He would not have liked the fast spinning one or roundabout. The only one he would have liked to go on was the little cars. He says his favourite was digging a big hole and hooking ducks with a digger. He also dug for treasure (bricks in stones), knovked down skittles with a little knocking ball, drove a bobcat, rode in a big digger with a backhoe, drove a little tractor (he snook onto this as he was just under the height restriction), and drove a dumper truck. I was spun round like a loon and shook up in a digger bucket, I also had a go at driving a digger a go kart and had a go on the roundabout. As well as all that there was a huge indoor play area and small bouncy castle.
Afterward we had a meal at a local pub, both James and Penny quickly fell asleep in the car home. He revived himself once home long enough to have a hot chocolate and say goodbye to Grandad.

DIGGERLAND

Yay. Today, thanks to James getting control of his bladder, we are off to Diggerland in Castleford.
Not sure if James is more excited about Diggerland or the fact Grandad is coming with us.

The Great Potty Bribe. Part 2

After little success with the briding of sweeties to make James starting toilet training, we then moved on to pennies. This seemed to have the desired result and John and I thought we had had a break through. WRONG!
Unfortunately, it was probably more our fault than James. We had a weekend away in London and decided to put James in pull ups for the duration of the trip. This was a mistake. During and after the trip James was poorly and won't move off the sofa, so again we left him in pull ups. Another mistake. Then I was ill and Mum offer to look after James while I got better. Mum kept him in pull ups. Not her fault, we packed a load him his suitcase for her to use. Then I had my miscarriage and I went into a fuzzy fog leaving John to manage the kids and his own thoughts rather than managing together. All this resulted in James completely being confussed as to whether he was in pull ups or pants and having to ask us which. If we answered pull up he refused to go to the potty and had avgreat hissy fit. Time for action and a plan.
Deep breathe, we decided to go cold turkey. Dump all pull ups and nappies except at nap and bedtime. As sweeties and Pennies didn't work we decided to go straight in and use he obsession with diggers. The teacher in me made a reward chart and we decided to be mean, 20 completely dry day equals a trip to Diggerland. We googled Diggerland to get him excited and looked at all the different things he could go on. Every evening if he had stayed dry that day he coloured in one of the squares on his chart. It worked. Apart from one tiny accident when Marley came to play, we have had no wet pants. Fantastic. We do have to plan any trip around toilet stops but that doesn't matter. I had to do the same when I was pregnant.
So tomorrow, weather demanding,  Diggerland here we come. I think I'm looking forward to it as much as James.

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY PENNY

My gorgous daughter is today. We have had a lovely day. This morning she (with lots of help from James) opened her presents. We got her a sand pit, James got her a bucket and spade, Grandma Greenaway got her a castle which has ball that spin round it, Grandad Dennis got her a interactive Noahs ark which James is using as a dock unloading cement. Grandad and Nanny came for dinner. They got her lots of clothes, as did Holly, Vic, Mum. Mum also got her a pushchair and doll. Col got her a babies bed and highchair which she has figured out already, even though dolly is upside down most of the time. It was lovely seeing Grandad and Nanny as we don't get to see them as offen as we like. 

Col, Marley, Grandma Dennis, Holly and 3 week old Beth came for tea. Penny had a lovely time playing, though she needed a nap mid way though. Tea was very yummy. James and Marley played at having babies. They were sticking teddies up their jumpers and having them. I think seeing Beth had an impact. Both of them had a little cuddle and stroke. James and Penny are now exhausted and tucked up in bed. 

Lovely Family Weekend.

We have had a super Easter weekend. On Thursday we visited Heckington windmill. A lovely place to visit for an afternoon. It had advertised a Easter egg hunt, but upon arriving it had been advertised wrong. The lovely lady ask James to find all the little mice hiding in the mill. James was brilliant at climbing up and down the steep ladders. Once he found all the mice the lady found him a little Easter egg, certificate and a badge. Since then James for bedtime story has been learning about how windmills work. I'm glad somethings stink in.
On Friday we visited Lincoln did a bit of shopping, got Penny's birthday present and had a lovely steak (which James is now liking). Then had a trip to see Grandma and Grandad. James was a bit of a grump but perked up when Grandma found him a tea set to play with.
On Saturday we wandering into Sleaford to pick up some secondhand clothes and a present for Penny. While walking round we went to the church and did an Easter story egg hunt, which James enjoyed so much he wanted to do it again. We also visited to National Craft Centre and had afternoon tea. They also had an Easter egg hunt, so James did that.
Sunday we had Grandad over for dinner. After dinner we did a mini Easter Egg hunt in the living. Penny sort of got the idea with a little help. James was far too good, we will have to make it harder next time.
James and Penny have been lovely all weekend. Sometimes I feel so lucky to have such well mannored and lovely children. They get on so well together. James looks after Penny all the time. When we did the Easter egg hunt he asked to man if Penny could have an egg. Penny absolutely adores James and follows him round and wants to go where ever he goes. It is James thats makes Penny laugh most and I often hear them in fits if giggles, so much I have to leave whatever I was doing to take a peek to see what is amusing them. I only hope that they are this fantastic as they grow up.

Trying to Budget.

Just recently our food bill seems to have increased substantially. We have gone from doing a £60/£70 internet shop every 10 days with a few bits like inbetween. To £80/£90 a week with quite a lot inbetween. Much to John's dismay, it is time for action.
As a supply teacher there are periods where I don't get any work which means no pay. As the Summer 6 weeks holidays draws closer I find I have to try and budget otherwise I struggle to make ends meet. I'm not saying we are poor and can't afford food, but the days out and meals out stop, as do buying clothes and little treats like coffee machines.
To begin with I'm writing down our food and meals out spending. Looking at ways to cut back. Prehaps using internet shopping again, planning meals or making sure I stick to a shopping list.

Help I'm turning into my Mum.

I got a bit of a fright the other day. I happened to glance at a photo and though, ohh that me I can't remember going there. On closer inspection and to my horror (no offence Mum) it wasn't me but my Mum. This got me thinking about how I'm gradually morphing into her.

1. I've started wearing scarves.  Not chunky warm scarves outside but flimsy fabric ones indoors.
2. I've become to enjoy gardening.  It used to be a dread chore. 
3. I got through everyones names before I get to the right one.
4. I start a topic of conversation don't end it and start another.
5. I now like handbags. I use to be a stick your money and card in your pocket person.
6. And the handbag is full of tissues (mostly used), a loose mint and I can never find my keys.

I'm sure there are many more. I told John that I was turning into my Mum, his comment is unprintable incase she is reading this.

Fighting a losing battle.

Today I'm having a mini rant, I'm sure I will get over it but for the moment I'm fed up at trying to keep my house looking nice and failing.
We move in to a lovely pristine house a little over a year ago. It was love at first sight. Beautiful newly fitted kitchen/dining room, large living room and 3 bedrooms. The walls were all freshly paint off white, along with a newly laid cream carpet throughout the whole house. Stunning.
However, since we have moved in it seems we are on a constant battle to keep it that way. There is a smudge trail that is child height going up the stairs. A bashed door frame from a sit on ride car. Splatters on the walls when food has been flung.
I feel that I'm turning into woman off Last of the Summer Wine, who follows her husband around with newspaper but instead I'm armed with carpet cleaner and a cloth.
When we have dinner nearly the entire carpet area is covered in a plastic mat to catch spills. I mean who would carpet their dining room cream. I'm saving to have it laminated. I dare not drink red wine for fear of a spillage.  Rant over, sorry about that.

DIY wooden play house.

A few months ago we purchased a wooden play house from Ebay.

After a few months of stating at it through the window, I have finally made a start on jazzing it up. This is the progress so far. A few more layer of paint, some bunting, a new window and some curtains and it will look fab. James is already enjoying playing in it.

So bad you have to laugh.

It isn't very often that I'm disappointed in a day out. We tend to be a family who make the most of what is given, be thankful and get on with it. Yesterday, my sister, mum and myself took James and Marley to visit Tattershall Farm Park. Which is described as a place where fun and farming go hand in hand. Ha. What a load of twaddle.

 Firstly, this place is just down the road from where we live. We couldn't find it, despite googling it before hand. There were no signs, nothing. It took us ages, I was getting more worried as James didn't have a nappy on and thought he might have an accident.  Col (sister) who was travel from a different direction spent over an hour getting there even though it was 15 miles away. We eventually found it down a pot holed, dirt track.

The price I didn't think was too bad £5.50, though it was the same price for a child as an adult which seemed a bit steep. The place itself is a few old barns and crew shed which have been altered. It looked grim from the start. There was 2 Shetland ponys in the smallest pen. I assume they have a bigger field somewhere. The tortoise area was non existent, we decided that they had escaped and were trying their luck in the wild. 

There was an outdoor wooden play area/obstacle course which was quite good but can be found in any park for free. There were also signs all over saying no adults in the play equipment. A few Little Tikes slides and houses were throw in for good measure. In one of the barns was a indoor soft play. The boys and Penny enjoyed running around. It wasn't busy (maybe due to people not being able to find the place) so they had the run of the place. It could do with some toilets in there and a few more chairs and tthe heating turned up as it was freezing.
In the other barn was a toddler area which had a few toys in it but smelt bad because it used to be a barn, a party room anda sandpit, which James and Marley enjoyed but was very cold to sit in and watch them play. 

The award winning cafe was ropey, with a smell of grease that hits you when you enter the place.  There was a definite lack of choice and it was expensive.  £5 for a panini and you had to ask for the side salad due to wastage! Marley had a childs jacket tate. The last potato so James couldn't have one. However, when his dinner arrived there was only half a potato on his plate. Goodness knows where the other had disappeared to. James has a ham sandwich and some of Grandmas chips. Luckly, I took a few munches with us for Penny and pudding. 

The animals were the wosrt part of the visit. As it sells its self as a farm park I did expect better. Near the outdoor play area was a classic farm animal, the raccoon. Just the one, looking very forlorn. Followed by a "colony", 2 chipmunks and I think 2 goldfinches. Nearby was an aviary containing 4 white doves, a pigeon and a pheasant. There were also a few chickens and a few sorry looking ducks in pens. In the main petting barn were a pig, 4 sheep, 2 rabbits and 3 baby rabbits. We thought there might be lambs as it is lambing season or goats and kids but no, nor were there any chicks just a sign saying there were coming. There were a few turtles, bearded dragons and mice in the reptile area. Despite the website stating that the animals liked cuddles there was no stroking the animals. No hands on displays and no staff in the petting barns. Oh I forgot the poor little barn owl and pegingrine falcon.  

The place feels like a swizz. That the owner thought a few animals and slide call it a park, charge what you like. There is no link between it and farming which was a shame for my farming/tractor mad son. Having said that, both boys enjoyed it and have a good day out, but they would have also enjoyed a day in the local park. In fact James spend the other morning in the village where we live watching them dig up the road. They are easily pleased. I think I'm more annoyed with the fact as adults we were taken in by having to pay to take them somewhere when in fact they don't really care.

I'm Sorry

Normally it is me who reminds people of family birthdays that are coming up. This year I'm slacking. Apologies go to Emily and Vic who both have had birthday last month which I have forgot. They have yet to receive their pressies and cards.  I have, however, got them some really lovely goodies.

And so I don't risk missing out on my nieces birthday in June I got this lovely set for her.

Extravagance.

For the last few weeks I haven't felt like going out and about. Despite this I have been a little extravagant. It isn't often I treat myself to something indulgent and thanks to the wonderful world of the internet the shops came to me.
My first purchase was a lovely baby blue jumper from Dorothy Perkins and a couple pairs of leggings which don't count as my old ones have holes in them. Baby blue isn't really my colour but I'm really pleased with it and it was a bargain in the sale and I had discount count codes as well. It is so soft and huggable. I just hope it washes well.

My next treat was a coffee machine. I've been itching for one for ages and dropping little hints at Christmas. This is the high of extravagance as really what is wrong with sticking the kettle on? As I'm the only person in te house that really drinks coffee it is a gift just of me. I decided on a Dolce Gusto Melody.  I managed to find it at a bargain price along with a few discount codes. It came with a £10 off code for the Dolce Gusto online shop. So far I'm really pleased with it. The hot chocolate is especially yummy. If I remember I will try to do a proper review on here after I have explored all the yummy pods I've been buying.

Can't Sleep

My favourite part of each day use to be moment as you wake up and begin to think about the day ahead and also the moments at night when everything is still just before you drift off to sleep.
I have come to dread these moments of the day. The moment I wake and realise that not everything is as it should be, that something is missing and can never be replaced.
The nights are the worst. Laying there willing myself to get some sleep, all the time thinking. I have started going to bed latter, watching rubbish TV in the hope sleep will come quicker.
During the day I can keep my thoughts at bay. James and Penny keep me busy. My garden has never looked so good, every weed has been pulled. I've made a good start on the playhouse, getting it painted.
If only there was a way to just switch my brain off. I desperately need a good nights sleep.

Getting Back up.

So for nearly 3 weeks (4 if you count the fact I have had the flu) I have been stuck at home. Apart from the hospital appointments, my hub has been centred in the house and garden. It is about time I try, however difficult, to emerge from my cocoon and return to the land of the living.

Clacton here we come.

Today I have booked our Summer holiday. We all are in need of a break and something to look forward to. Our choice this year is.....Clacton.
Not a part of the world we have been before so looking forward to exploring new exciting places. We are stopping at a Park Resort holiday camp. Many people would probably be cringing at the thought of these places, but we tend to use just them as a base and go out for the days. I do like the fact you can get food and there is some place for the kids to run off steam in the evenings.

My D&C

Yesterday I had my second scan at the hospital. As we thought I was going through a miscarriage.  This wasn't really a surprise as the bleeding had got worse over the week and the last 2 day I was bend over double with cramps.
I had already decided a D&C was the right course of treatment. Last time I had a natural miscarriage,  there was little pain, but it did take over a month to fully miscarry. Meaning that I didn't dare go back to work incase I bled. This time it didn't seem an option, I needed to get back on track and looking after the rest of my family.  I was fortunate to get the operation the same day.
I have never had an operation before and I think I have got myself worked up about it over the week. I'm also not the best patient. I don't like needles, but then who does. The worst bit was the drip being put in place, they had to have 2 attemps at it, but I was very brave and gritted my teeth. The operation was explained in great detail by a lovely midwife who dealt with  miscarriages.  She stayed with us throughout the day and looked after us brilliantly and didn't mind when I ended up a sobbing snotty mess.
I was really worried about what/where the baby went after the surgery. My fear was that it would be just chucked away in a bin. I know that it was only a size of a pea but it was still a baby to me and already a part of our family. The midwife reassured both me and John that it would be checked to see if it was all there, then given the the local crematorium where they hold a mass cremation and prayers are said and the ashes scattered in the remembrance garden. This was such a relief I couldn't stop crying.
The operation took about 15mins. It was preformed blind which meant the surge(another lovely lady) did it by feel. Basically,  she scraped the wall of the cervix to loosen the baby and placenta which is then removed.  I was anesthetised at 4.15 and came round just over an hour later. There wasn't any pain and I wasn't that drowsy.  I did go all shaking and cold, which is normal so they gave me more oxygen and blankets. An hour after that I was put on a drip and taked back to the ward.
I don't know whether it was relief or the anesthetics but I felt really well considering.  There was little bleeding which is expected to last up to 2 weeks. I had to wait 4 hours post op and they made sure could keep a drink then food down. Dad picked us up at 11pm, as I couldn't drive afterwards. I had the best nights sleep I had all week.
I don't think I would have managed yesterday or the whole week if John had not been by my side. He has been such I rock. Sorting out the kids, letting me sleep and cry and just being there when I needed him.
Today we had a good talk about how we felt. I think I have been rather selfish and self centred.  Thinking about it was just me going through this feeling the loss. We didn't even talk about this the first time I miscarried,  I just went in my own bubble. I know it may sound mean but it helps knowing that he feels the loss too.
Today I woke up feeling refreshed.  However, after walking around a bit I felt tender and achey. I keep getting waves of cramps not painful but uncomfortable. I'm going to take it easy over the next few days and keep the painkillers close by.

Completely drained.

At the moment I feel utterly exhausted.  I've been trying to keep busy to stop myself from thinking to much. The tiny hope I did have has died. The main concern at the moment is how, when, where and how painfully the miscarriage is going to be when it comes and if I can cope and also to not disturb the children. Monday I'm booked in for a second scan, the midwife implied that it might be possible to have and D&C the same day. This might be the best option as it gets it over and done with and won't affect the children's lifes. However, it does feel as if I'm getting rid of it and aborting it rather than it happening naturally.

Heartbroken.

Today we recieved the news that our baby will never be. I will never get to cuddle, kiss or hold him. To count his fingers and toes and to smell him. I have however, in his short time he has been with me been able to love him completely and this I'm grateful for. This week is going be difficult for us all and I'm praying for a miracle for the small bit of hope we have.

Week 9. First midwife appointment.

So today was a big day. My first midwifes appointment. This time, unlike all the others, I was on my own. John was looking after James as he is ill at the moment. So, most of the hours appointment was filling forms relating to my, Johns and our families health. Followed by a list of No Nos, which seem to have got longer since the last time. Bang goes the crafty McFluffy or Mr. Whippy. Bang goes the McDonald's milkshake. Since when was they on the list? I don't think I can last 9 months without a creme egg McFluffy. Another big whoops happen over the weekend. We went to a farm park, which had a petting bit. No petting the sheep or goats or cows or chickens. Whoops. No digging in the garden without gloves because of cat poo same with washing mucking potatoes!
Another surprised was a blood test, didn't expect that. Maybe that's a good thing because I'm not a big fan of them.
Apart from feeling sick after I've eaten everything (touch wood) seems to be going well. I won't truly relax until I have a scan picture in my hand.

First Steps

Penny took her first steps yesterday. Just 2 steps from my knees to the sofa. I don't even think she realised that she had done it. Of course, John missed it by seconds and she refused to do it again. Maybe she will be like James who took his first steps at around 10 months then did nothing until 13 months. We were beginning to think we have dreamt it. The on weekend Ros came down and he got up and walked to her, we were stunned.

Week 7

At the beginning of this week the worry had stepped in and I began to think I was no longer pregnant. The lack of symptoms were concerning me and I also have a bit of spotting. However, since then there has been an onslaught of tiredness and nausea and despite feeling like a zombie most of the day I can't help feel relieved that everything seems ok. With James I have hardly any morning sickness, I was just tired. Penny, I could eat or drink anything as it just turned my stomach. With this one it seems to be a bit of both. I eat loads and tend to feel sick in the morning and at night. The tiredness is the worst, I have just started working most of the week and I get in from work and just want to sleep. However, John wants to work, James wants to play and Penny want cuddles.

James' birthday bash.

Last week James turned 3. 3 seems very grown up. He birthday party was a success. There were 3 other children invited in the afternoon. They all seemed to have a good time. As it was in our house I tried to organise little activities for them to do rather than running round crazy. We had a sweetie hunt to begin with, followed by party hat decorating which Jessica loved. After a digger themed tea complete with train jelly they had pass the parcel. All the grown up got on well, in fact they didn't want to leave so the children had a good play as well.

His sit on ride tract8 and trailer went down well. As did Auntie Katies Hexbug set (Missy Slug). He got heaps of dinosaur stuff which is great because he is dinosaur mad. He is a very lucky and a much loved boy.